Light a Conversation Fire

There is a great tactic anyone can use that guarantees great conversation regardless of who you are talking to. The top movers in the world of business and even those charming people who light up any social event know this secret and you can use it too. This is a critical life skill and thankfully it is much easier than people think to excel at conversation skills once you know the smart way to go about it.

There are three simple steps to lighting the conversation fire:

1. Complete Attention.
Give complete attention to the person you are talking to. Yes, all of your attention. Resist the temptation to scan the room, play with the loose change in your pocket or start thinking about what you need to do later in the day. Talk and listen to the person before you as if this is the most important person you have ever met and as if this conversation is the most important discussion of your life. When you do this the other person cannot help but notice the respect you are showing him. This is flattering. You will find whoever you are talking to will respond very positively to this attention. They will warm to you, speak more freely and pay close attention to what you say.

2. Conversation is like fishing.
Small talk is the starting point. Why? You engage in small talk to fish for great topics of conversation that appeal to you and the other person - you are looking for shared interests and passions. For this reason, and following on from step one, pay very close attention to the non-verbal behavior of the other person as he talks. You need to spot clues that indicate his interests. And, you want to avoid those topics he finds boring, annoying or distasteful. It is easy to spot these clues as long as you pay more attention to how someone talks than to what he says. You´ll still hear everything he says. You then simply look for clues as indicated by more enthusiasm in his voice and body language.

3. Follow the path of least resistance.
When you spot a topic that generates enthusiasm follow that lead and drive the conversation in that direction. This is very easy to do since people love to talk about what interests them. A few good questions to open up the topic is usually all it takes. A spark then ignites the conversation and before you know it the conversation takes on a life of its own. Make sure to match the enthusiasm of the other person in your voice tone and in your body language. This is important. If you fail to do this you will dampen their enthusiasm.

One important point. Some topics will get an emotional response that looks like enthusiasm but are to be avoided is meeting someone for the first time. If an issue agitates the other person the annoyance is like a negative passionate enthusiasm! This is risky ground with someone you do not know very well and is best to steer clear of. Look for positive enthusiasm especially topics that cause someone to smile or laugh. Make it a goal to fish for topics that make people feel good and you´ll make friends with new people even faster that you expect.

You can light the conversation fire anytime you want to by remembering these three points: give complete attention to the other person, fish for great topics and follow the path of less resistance.

Over time you will get better and better at each step until it becomes second nature. At this point this process will run on automatic and meeting people becomes a lot of fun. This is a key point. It takes a little practice to get this right and when you do people will find it very difficult to not give you their undivided attention. You should work every day to send out positive and creative signals to others by your words, actions and body language. The way you act can have either a negative or positive impact on others as well as yourself. If you want to succeed in both your personal and professional life, or further develop your people skills, it is crucial to change from a pattern of destructive, negative thoughts to positive,creative thinking.

Why not try it out yourself . . .what have you got to lose?


Similar tips are available from www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com

Stress & Distress

Stress Management

When people talk about stress, they generally apply a negative meaning to the word. In addition, most of us are conditioned to thinking negative thoughts when we hear the word stress. However, there is a subtle but important distinction between stress and distress, which is what we usually mean in this context.

Stress can be a positive thing. In a physiological sense, it allows the flow of adrenaline, and prepares our 'fight or flight' response to allow us escape or face dangerous or scary situations. At a lower level, it is what makes us nervous in terms of anxiety, such as in advance of exams, or interviews for example. This can be positive, as in these situations - if we acknowledge, harness and channel this stress - we can actualy perform better. It can be enhancement to performance, and not an inhibitor. But we have to manage it appropriately.

However for too many people this is not the case. The stress - or more properly distress - they experience actually envelopes them, and causes a deterioration in performance. They freeze in the face of anxiety and the consequences are almost always negative.

One of the ways to manage stress is to think about it differently, and to move those things which cause you stress in your life into a separate space. Compartmentalise it, look at it from a distance, as if in a bubble. Is the situation and the stress managing you, or are you in control of it? We cannot control every situation, but we can control how we respond to them. That is our power.

We can all learn to recognise the signs of stress in ourselves, how they manifest themselves, and how we can manage them effeciently. Why not contact us at www.epmconsulting.eu and see how we can assist you with simple, effective solutions you can apply daily, to make your life - and the lives of those around you - better.