New Years Resolutions 2013

The New Year stretches before us like 365 blank pages of a personal diary. What will be written on those pages by this time next year? Will it be a tale of health, wealth, romance and wondrous prosperity? Or will those pages tell a story of misery, sorrow and sadness? There's only one thing for sure... whatever is written on those pages will be authored by you and me! Isn't that neat? Just think... each of us is writing our own personal action adventure... and... . . . . We Can Make It Come Out Anyway We Want! The above words were written by Neil Asher on his blog, and don't they just ring true? As we approach the start of a New Year, we all have the opportunity to start afresh, to turn over a new leaf, to be everything we wanted to be. The possibilities are endless, limited only by our own imagination, and self-imposed obstacles. What is stopping you moving ahead, moving forward, being what you want to be? What boundaries are you placing in your own way? What patterns of thinking or behaviour are inhibiting you from being your best? 2013 . . . and of course the number 13 have negative perceptions for many people, especially those who are of a superstitious nature. However this form of negative thinking should'nt be allowed to hold us back from achieving our goals for the year. Its a New Year again, and an opportunity to d things differently, do them better or achieve new goals. The New Year is a time when many of us contemplate making changes in our life. For some, these will be minor alterations, whilst others may be considering more major changes. Commonly these changes involve shifts in behaviour (such as deciding to lose weight, to stop smoking, to take more exercise or to change direction in our careers or relationships). Often these changes have been germinating in our conscious or unconscious mind for some time, and a New Year offers us the opportunity psychologically to make a new start. Research suggests there are three groups which people belong to when considering changing their behaviour, which broadly speaking can be categorised as: non-contemplators: this group are generally happy with their lot, and see no need to change. This may be due to lack of insight, lack of motivation or being genuinely satisfied with their life and lifestyle at this time pre-contemplators: this group have occasional (and perhaps increasing) pangs of guilt or dissatisfaction with their current situation, and would like certain things to be different. However, these insights are fleeting and have not yet become sufficiently irritating or disturbing to convert into the action required to change contemplators: This group have reached the point where they are ready to take positive action to change. They are sufficiently dissatisfied with their current situation to make positive behavioural changes. This group are the prime focus of campaigns aimed at Smoking cessation etc at this time of year. If you have reached the point where you are motivated to change, how might you improve your chances of success? The pointers outlined below may be useful to you at this time. Plan: Think through the change you wish to make in a rational way. Consider the implications of what you need to do in practical terms. What impact will this change have on your 'significant others'? What action will you take to replace the existing behaviour with a more positive alternative? Be Practical: In most cases, the behaviour or habit you are trying to break has taken years to evolve, and become embedded as a significant part of your life over a long period of time. Don't expect that it will be easy to change overnight. Be Positive: Start out with a positive determination to succeed. Start Small: Whilst for some, the 'big bang' approach is appropriate, for many others setting small, short term targets that are achievable is more effective. Starting with a number of small successes can be the building blocks necessary to maintain and sustain the change in behaviour you are trying to make. Think Evolution rather than Revolution!! Reward Yourself: Celebrate success and openly acknowledge the progress you are making. Obviously the rewards should be genuinely earned, and appropriate - opting for a chocolate cake 'reward' in the midst of a weight loss regime might be best avoided! Lapses: Accept that there will inevitably be setbacks along the way, and plan for these. Don't allow these to be the excuse to fall back into old, established patterns of behaviour. When lapses happen - and they will happen - start again with renewed vigour. View lapses as diversions on your road to success, and don't get derailed from your ultimate goal. Involving Others: No man is an island. Consider involving family, friends and/or colleagues in your quest for success. Others can provide support and encouragement when your willpower is wavering. Knowing others are aware of your goals may provide you with the extra impetus to succeed, if only to prove to them you can do it! Finally, be clear that all change is difficult, and requires patience and perserverance (as are all things that are worth having). Remember, the Price of Persistence is always less than the Pain of Regret . Why not make that your motto for the weeks and months ahead? Make that change, and take that first step by contacting EPM Consulting (www.epmconsulting.eu) for Personal, Executive & Lifestyle Coaching. To assist you (or a friend), and to reduce the financial pain of making this committment, EPM Consulting have a limited offer available to first 10 people to e-mail Patrick at info@epmconsulting.eu, with 'New Year Offer' as the subject line

Three True Job Interview Questions

The only three true job interview questions are:
1. Can you do the job?
2. Will you love the job?
3. Can we tolerate working with you?

That’s it. Those three. Think back, every question you’ve ever posed to others or had asked of you in a job interview is a subset of a deeper in-depth follow-up to one of these three key questions. Each question potentially may be asked using different words, but every question, however it is phrased, is just a variation on one of these topics: Strengths, Motivation, and Fit.


Full article available from Forbes on http://www.forbes.com/sites/georgebradt/2011/04/27/top-executive-recruiters-agree-there-are-only-three-key-job-interview-questions/

Strategies for Taming your Inbox!

When used appropriately, email is an incredibly useful communication tool. But many of us feel overwhelmed by the amount of mail that we receive and feel the need to respond to promptly.

However, there are ways to manage your email so that you're more productive. In this article, we'll explore strategies for doing this, so that you can get on with the real work at hand.

Note:
Keep in mind that these strategies may not work for everyone. So use your own best judgment when thinking about how to manage your email

Checking Email
Checking your email regularly during the day can be an effective way to keep your inbox at manageable levels. However, the constant interruption and distraction that comes from multitasking in this way can dramatically lower your productivity, and disrupt your ability to enter a state of flow when working on high value projects.

Check Email at Set Times
One strategy you can use is to check email only at set points during the day. For instance, you may decide that you'll only check your email first thing in the morning, before lunch, and at the end of the day.

Here, it helps to set your email software to download messages only at certain times, so that you're not distracted by incoming messages. If you can't do this, at least make sure that audible and visual alerts are turned off.

When to Check Email
You can also reserve time to read and respond to email after a long period of focused work, or at the time of day when your energy and creativity are at their lowest (this means that you can do higher value work at other times). If you're concerned that your colleagues, boss, or clients will be annoyed or confused that you're not responding to their email quickly, explain that you only check email at certain times, and that they can call you or use instant messaging if the matter is really urgent.

Note:
Clearly, in some roles, you will have to check email on a regular basis, especially if your business uses email as its main communication tool. As with all of these strategies, use your judgment, based on your circumstances.

Reading Email
When it comes to reading email, you can waste hours if you don't use this time well.

The Two-Minute Rule
First, try using the "Two-Minute Rule" (a concept from David Allen, the author of "Getting Things Done") - if the email will take less than two minutes to process (a quick read, and a short answer) then take care of it right now, even if it's not a high priority.

The idea behind this is that if it takes less than two minutes to action, then reading and then storing the task away "to do later" takes longer than it would to just take care of the task now.

Schedule Time
For emails that will take longer than two minutes to read or respond to, schedule time on your calendar, or add this as an action on your To-Do List.

Most email programs will allow you to highlight, flag, or star messages that need a response, so utilize this handy feature whenever you can.

Tip:
Many of us get lots of internal notifications. These are those "FYI" emails from the corporate office or team members who want to keep us "in the loop." If you see your name in the cc field instead of the To field, chances are it's an FYI email. Consider filing it in a To Read folder, and tackle it when you have time.

Organizing Email
Can you imagine having an inbox with nothing in it? It almost sounds too good to be true! Although a completely empty inbox (also called "inbox zero") might be unrealistic for many of us, keeping our main inbox cleared can make us more organized, and help eliminate stress.

Filing Email
Start by setting up a simple filing system to help manage your mail.

You could use broad categories titled "Action Items," "Waiting," "Reference," and "Archives." If you're able to stay on top of your folders - particularly "Action" and "Waiting" folders - you could use them as an informal To-Do List for the day.

If four categories sounds too simplistic for your needs, you can set up a more detailed system. For instance, you could create a folder for every project that you're working on, or have a set folder for each of your clients or sales reps.

The advantage to creating specific folders for processing email is that it makes searching for past mail easier. Instead of scouring your entire email system, you can simply search in that particular folder.

Tip:
An alternative approach is to use a good PC-based search tool like Google Desktop Search - this makes it really easy to search for emails and other documents.

The best approach to use can depend on how quickly you need to access a specific email. If you need instant access (for example, if clients often call you to discuss emails) you may want to file into folders. If you don't, then desktop search may be all that you need.

Using Rules
Most email programs, such as Outlook and Gmail, allow you to establish "Rules" to automate sorting email into particular folders.

For instance, you might get several emails per day notifying you of sales that your company has made. You want to receive these, because you want to see what's happening, but you don't want them to clutter your Inbox.

This is where you could set up a Rule in your email program that moves emails with "Sale Notification:" in the subject line straight to the "Sales Made" folder as soon as they come in. This frees up your time from filing these emails, and allows you to keep all sales emails in one folder.

Non-Essential Email
If you regularly receive email such as newsletters, blogs and article feeds, consider having them re-routed to another email address, or use rules, so that they're instantly delivered to a particular folder.

This will help keep your primary inbox clear, and they'll be in one place, ready for you to read at a convenient time.

Tip:
You can make a world of difference for your colleagues, boss and clients by writing effective emails. This will not only save them stress and frustration, but succinct, relevant emails can also save an enormous amount of time - yours and theirs.

Good Team Habits
One of the best things that you can do, to limit the amount of email you need to process, is encourage your team to send you less.

For instance, if certain team members regularly send you long-winded emails, let them know. Tell them gently but firmly that because of the demand on your time, you'd appreciate emails no longer than a paragraph or two. Anything longer than that should warrant a phone call. Alternatively, they could drop by your office for a discussion.

Also, promote good email and communication strategies in your organization - encourage people to use the strategies highlighted in this article. .

Key Points:
Most of us feel overwhelmed by email. Although it's a great communication tool, more often than not it's overused. By managing it effectively, you can significantly boost your productivity.

To gain control of your inbox, start by checking and processing email only at certain times during the day. If you're concerned about the delayed response, let people know that you don't check your email constantly.

Also, try to keep your inbox as clear as possible. Organize mail using folders like "Action", "Waiting" and "Archives". And when you do check mail, use the two minute rule - any email that can be read and responded to in two minutes or less should be handled right then.

You can also reduce your incoming mail by asking people to send you less, and by advocating effective email and communication strategies in your organization.


This article is reproduced from Newsletter 184, issued by www.mindtools.com

Want to lose weight?

The following article, by James Sweetman, identifies 8 steps to an effective weight loss strategy.



1. Beliefs – getting your thinking right
Beliefs are statements that we hold to be true and we act in accordance with them. Most of the time our beliefs are unconscious, that is, we are not aware of them and the power they hold over us. In the context of weight loss, a typical belief is ‘losing weight is very tough.’ If we belief this to be true, we will seek evidence to verify this belief.
The experts I spoke with did not have any limiting beliefs in terms of fitness and health. Examples of their positive, empowering beliefs included:

“Life will be immeasurable improved when attention is paid to a healthy diet.”
“How I feel is a top priority.”
“I don’t have to be perfect all the time.”
Write out the beliefs you are holding in this area. A good way to uncover them is to simply think about what you would like to achieve and write out all the thoughts that come into your mind. What thoughts are limiting and could hold you back? What could you replace them with?

2. Focus on the end result
The people who succeed at losing weight and maintaining the loss are motivated by a dream much bigger and more positive than just losing weight. They see themselves living a healthy lifestyle. They begin to act and think like people who are in good physical shape. They change their thinking and the change in their actions follow automatically. It wouldn't be possible to effect and sustain such a radical change unless the person is motivated by a big dream that is positive in nature.

3. Planning
The bigger focus or dream is converted into results and achievements by having a future focus and planning ahead. Speaking with the experts, planning fell into two categories.

Firstly, having a goal focus. That could be completing the mini marathon in June or reaching a certain weight or dress size by Easter. The goal has to be specific and has to have a target date for completion, otherwise it is wishful thinking.
Secondly, all the experts recommended planning meals ahead. They suggested eating five small meals a day. To get started and to build good habits, they advised planning the week’s meals, all thirty five of them, at the beginning of the week. This will reduce the likelihood of finding yourself hungry with nothing in the fridge and making some less than good eating decisions.

4. Visualise your Achievements
Imagine in your mind how you will look and feel, and the life you will be living when you achieve your goal. How will you know you have achieved your goal unless you have determined what success means to you. So, take 10 minutes when you know you are not going to be disturbed and daydream about what you will look like when you have achieved your goal. Be specific. Writing out this description will make your goal seem much more real. Review what you have written every day and connect with your image of the new you. Connect with how achieving this result will make you feel. What will you be doing differently? What will you be saying and thinking when you have achieved your goal?

5. Measure your Results
To manage anything you have to be able to measure it. This is true in business, it is also true with diets. A simple technique is to get yourself a notebook. Each day write into your notebook what positive actions you are taking to make progress. It might be going for a walk or eating a salad for lunch. Also note what you are doing less of to reduce weight. For example, note that you didn’t have desert after dinner or resisted the cappuccino after lunch. If you want to note what the scales is telling you on a weekly basis or simply writing down how you are feeling, than that is also useful.

6. Who else benefits?
One of the findings from speaking with the nutrition experts that surprised me was learning that their primary focus was not on themselves. They wanted to be the best they could be in the areas of health and nutrition to be an example to others, to inspire other people to make healthier choices. It wasn’t just about them. If you think about it, don’t we always do more for other people than we do for ourselves? If you can embark on living a healthier lifestyle in tandem with a friend or partner, then you can give each other support and encouragement as you go along.

7. Resisting Temptation – what to do when the going gets tough
It was Oscar Wilde who said ‘I can resist everything except temptation.’ One of the areas that I wanted to get specific knowledge on when I spoke with the nutrition experts was how did they cope with resisting temptation. That moment when your hand is on the packet of crisps, or you make the decision to order a chocolate desert. What was interesting is that they all approached this in the same way and it wasn’t what I might have thought beforehand.
When tempted to eat unhealthily, they remembered a time in the past when they over-indulged. Perhaps after Christmas lunch or when they had a few too many drinks. They associated with this past memory, that is, they experienced it again on the inside, how they felt, what they saw, what they said to themselves. Some would then think about what it is they wanted to achieve, so they would have a contrast between the two extremes.
So if you overindulged over Christmas you can use that sense of bloatedness as a motivating factor for overcoming temptation.
All the experts said that aiming for 100% perfection in this area is a recipe (again pardon the pun) for disaster. It is what you do 80% of the time that matters. Going from four lattes a day to none is extreme. Going from four to two to one over a few weeks is steady progress.


8. Persistence
How long do you stick with something difficult before you give up? For many people in today’s immediate gratification society, if something doesn’t happen easily, they will not persevere. In a study carried out over a 10 year period in the US by The National Metabolic and Longevity Research Center they found that persistence is the single most important aspect of any diet or fitness program. The study followed a group of people (Group A) who exercised and dieted very strictly, but sporadically and compared those results with a second group (Group B) who exercised mildly and followed a very basic diet, but this group never varied from their routine. Even though Group B exercised and dieted far less (but did so persistently) they got 68% better results than those who exercised and dieted strictly but infrequently.

As the saying goes ‘if nothing changes then everything stays the same.’ This is true for our thoughts as well as our actions. Wouldn’t now be a good time to start making those changes? The above eight strategies work, I use them myself. But remember, knowledge is only potential power you have to take action to reap the rewards of your knowledge.


James Sweetman is the author of Graduate to Success and is a leading authority on Peak Performance. If you are ready to step into your potential, visit www.jamessweetman.com

New Years Resolutions

The New Year stretches before us like 365 blank pages of a personal diary. What will be written on those pages by this time next year? Will it be a tale of health, wealth, romance and wondrous prosperity? Or will those pages tell a story of misery, sorrow and sadness?


There's only one thing for sure... whatever is written on those pages will be authored by you and me! Isn't that neat? Just think... each of us is writing our own personal action adventure... and... . . . . We Can Make It Come Out Anyway We Want!

The above words were written by Neil Asher on his blog, and don't they just ring true? As we approach the start of a New Year, we all have the opportunity to start afresh, to turn over a new leaf, to be everything we wanted to be. The possibilities are endless, limited only by our own imagination, and self-imposed obstacles.

What is stopping you moving ahead, moving forward, being what you want to be?

What boundaries are you placing in your own way? What patterns of thinking or behaviour are inhibiting you from being your best?

Its a New Year again, when many of us contemplate making changes in our life. For some, these will be minor alterations, whilst others may be considering more major changes. Commonly these changes involve shifts in behaviour (such as deciding to lose weight, to stop smoking, to take more exercise or to change direction in our careers or relationships). Often these changes have been germinating in our conscious or unconscious mind for some time, and a New Year offers us the opportunity psychologically to make a new start.

Research suggests there are three groups which people belong to when considering changing their behaviour, which broadly speaking can be categorised as:


non-contemplators: this group are generally happy with their lot, and see no need to change. This may be due to lack of insight, lack of motivation or being genuinely satisfied with their life and lifestyle at this time

pre-contemplators: this group have occasional (and perhaps increasing) pangs of guilt or dissatisfaction with their current situation, and would like certain things to be different. However, these insights are fleeting and have not yet become sufficiently irritating or disturbing to convert into the action required to change

contemplators: This group have reached the point where they are ready to take positive action to change. They are sufficiently dissatisfied with their current situation to make positive behavioural changes. This group are the prime focus of campaigns aimed at Smoking cessation etc at this time of year.

If you have reached the point where you are motivated to change, how might you improve your chances of success? The pointers outlined below may be useful to you at this time.

Plan: Think through the change you wish to make in a rational way. Consider the implications of what you need to do in practical terms. What impact will this change have on your 'significant others'? What action will you take to replace the existing behaviour with a more positive alternative?
Be Practical: In most cases, the behaviour or habit you are trying to break has taken years to evolve, and become embedded as a significant part of your life over a long period of time. Don't expect that it will be easy to change overnight.
Be Positive: Start out with a positive determination to succeed.
Start Small: Whilst for some, the 'big bang' approach is appropriate, for many others setting small, short term targets that are achievable is more effective. Starting with a number of small successes can be the building blocks necessary to maintain and sustain the change in behaviour you are trying to make. Think Evolution rather than Revolution!!
Reward Yourself: Celebrate success and openly acknowledge the progress you are making. Obviously the rewards should be genuinely earned, and appropriate - opting for a chocolate cake 'reward' in the midst of a weight loss regime might be best avoided!
Lapses: Accept that there will inevitably be setbacks along the way, and plan for these. Don't allow these to be the excuse to fall back into old, established patterns of behaviour. When lapses happen - and they will happen - start again with renewed vigour. View lapses as diversions on your road to success, and don't get derailed from your ultimate goal.
Involving Others: No man is an island. Consider involving family, friends and/or colleagues in your quest for success. Others can provide support and encouragement when your willpower is wavering. Knowing others are aware of your goals may provide you with the extra impetus to succeed, if only to prove to them you can do it!

Finally, be clear that all change is difficult, and requires patience and perserverance (as are all things that are worth having). Remember, the Price of Persistence is always less than the Pain of Regret . Why not make that your motto for the weeks and months ahead?

Make that change, and take that first step by contacting EPM Consulting (www.epmconsulting.eu) for Personal, Executive & Lifestyle Coaching. To assist you (or a friend), and to reduce the financial pain of making this committment, EPM Consulting have a limited offer available to first 10 people to e-mail Patrick at info@epmconsulting.eu, with 'New Year Offer' as the subject line

Handling Challenging Conversations with Confidence

This article was originally published in the Nov 2010 edition Ignite Magazine, produced by the Ken Blanchard Companies, and has been reproduced in full from http://www.kenblanchard.com/Business_Leadership/Management_Leadership_Newsletter/November2010_main_article/. Whilst this article has a firm business focus, similar principles can be applied to difficult conversations within our personal lives.


Most managers feel some reluctance when faced with having challenging conversations, according to Eryn Kalish, mediator, conflict resolution expert, and co-author of The Ken Blanchard Companies' Challenging Conversations program.

When this happens, a manager will sometimes shut down or withdraw from a situation instead of confronting it directly. While this strategy may keep the lid on a situation in the short term, the long-term damage is usually substantial with drops in productivity and morale due to ongoing conflict and disagreement. Whether the topic is delivering a difficult message, giving tough performance feedback, or confronting insensitive behavior, managers need to step into the “uncomfortableness.”

“Many people have been taught to avoid or gloss over difficult issues,” explains Kalish.

“Sometimes they are afraid that if they have these conversations they will make the situation worse. So managers will often avoid confronting situations hoping that by suppressing or ignoring the ‘negative’ feelings and thoughts that they will somehow go away. But it rarely gets better on its own and pretty soon the entire team is breaking down and the problem is much larger.”

The result can be damaged relationships, stalled projects, or just employees without much passion for their work.

“If an issue becomes a crisis, decisions are then made with very incomplete information. So the wisdom gets lost because people are then so triggered that you’re dealing with the situation at a time when everybody is really overheated and really upset.”

The fast-paced demands of today’s workplace make it increasingly important for managers to be able to effectively address sensitive subjects in the workplace. That’s one of the reasons why Kalish believes it is important for managers to create a safe space for people to have those conversations and address suppressed issues.

A 5-Step Process for Managers
To help improve their skills in dealing with challenging conversations, Kalish teaches managers how to speak up without alienating the other person and how to listen even if they are “triggered” by what they are hearing.

The concepts are easily understandable, explains Kalish, but it is something that’s challenging emotionally to practice. For managers just getting started, there are five skills Kalish recommends as a way of feeling comfortable and being open to others' feelings.

1.Stating concerns directly.
Speak up in a way that doesn't alienate other people. Understand how to get at the essence of what's important.

2.Probing for more information to gain a deeper understanding. Learn how to get more information from someone who might be hesitant to talk. Learn how to gently, but firmly, probe and get somebody to speak out when it is going to serve them and the situation.

3.Engaging others through whole-hearted listening.
Be able to listen even when it is uncomfortable. Learn how to work with your reactions so that you can focus and understand what the other person is saying.

4.Attending to body language.
Pay attention to body language and be able to spot discrepancies between what you are hearing and what you are seeing. How many times have you been sitting in a meeting when somebody said everything was fine but his or her body language was saying that it is clearly not? Avoid the temptation to say, “Oh, good, everything is ok. Let's move on.”

5.Keeping forward focused, but only when everybody is ready to move forward.
This can be a challenge for managers with a natural and usually positive bias for action. Learn to resist the urge to move forward prematurely. In challenging conversations the real issues often don’t come to light at first, and they can seep out in unhealthy ways later on.

More Communication, Not Less
During uncertain times it is important to increase your support of people.

As Kalish explains, “How are we going to work with all of the challenges we face today if people are all bottled up and frozen in fear or anger, or feeling like they might lash out? We need people to be vibrant and enthusiastic. Let’s not lose that connection with others or that connection to our own vibrancy. We need it now to liberate the energy that we all want and need to be productive and successful.”

One of the greatest skills managers can have today is how to listen well—both to their own thoughts and instincts as well as to the other person in order to really understand his or her point of view and perspective.

For managers willing to step up to the challenge, the results can be far-reaching, including quicker resolution of performance issues, better work relationships, fewer grievances, reduced tension, and fewer corporate crises.

Even in the most difficult of times, people can work together with colleagues in a way that is transformational. Start today by looking at ways to increase the frequency and quality of the conversations that are occurring within your organization.

Happiness & Positive Psychology

Positive Psychology’s primary focus is on what people do right to obtain and maintain optimum happiness (Compton, 2005), by striving to understand and help people develop qualities that lead to greater personal fulfilment. The premise of positive psychology is to promote factors that allow individuals to thrive and flourish by encouraging a change of focus in psychology from a preoccupation with repairing the worst things to a greater emphasis on discovering and building upon positive qualities.

The concept of happiness is the corner stone of the assumptions of positive psychology. Happiness is characterised by the experience of more frequent positive affective states than negative ones as well as a perception that one is progressing toward important life goals (Tkach & Lyubomirsky, 2006). Identifying factors that contribute to happiness has proven to be challenging. Interestingly though, one thing that does stand out in the research to date is that the attainment and pursuit of pleasure may not always lead to happiness.

Certain kinds of environmental factors or conditions have been found to be associated with happiness and include such things as; individual income, labour market status, health, family, social relationships, moral values and many others (Carr, 2004; Selim, 2008; Diener, Oishi & Lucas, 2003). Ultimately, in the pursuit of understanding happiness, there are two main theoretical perspectives which focus on addressing the question of what makes people feel good and happy. These are the hedonic and eudaimonic approaches to happiness (Keyes, Shmotkin, & Ryff, 2002).

Hedonic well-being is based on the notion that increased pleasure and decreased pain leads to happiness. Hedonic concepts are based on the notion of subjective well-being. Subjective well-being is ascientific term that is commonly used to denote the ‘happy or good life’. It comprises of an affective component (high positive affect and low negative affect) and a cognitive component (satisfaction with life). It is proposed that an individual experiences happiness when positive affect and satisfaction with life are both high (Carruthers & Hood, 2004).

Eudaimonic well-being, on the other hand, is strongly reliant on Maslow’s ideas of self actualisation and Roger’s concept of the fully functioning person and their subjective well being. Eudaimonic happiness is therefore based on the premise that people feel happy if they experience life purpose, challenges and growth. This approach adopts Self-Determination Theory to conceptualise happiness (Keyes et al., 2002; Deci & Ryan, 2000). Self determination theory suggests that happiness is related to fulfilment in the areas of autonomy and competence.

From this perspective, by engaging in eudaimonic pursuits, subjective well being (happiness) will occur as a by product. Thus, life purpose and higher order meaning are believed to produce happiness. It appears that the general consensus is that happiness does not result from the pursuit of pleasure but from the development of individual strengths and virtues which ties in with the concept of positive psychology (Vella-Brodrick, Park & Peterson, 2009). The differences between eudaimonic and hedonic happiness are listed below:

Hedonic (Subjective Wellbeing)

- Presence of positive mood
- Absence of negative mood
- Satisfaction with various domains of life (e.g. work, leisure)
- Global life satisfaction

Eudaimonic (Psychological Wellbeing)

- Sense of control or autonomy
- Feeling of meaning and purpose
- Personal expressiveness
- Feelings of belongingness
- Social contribution
- Competence
- Personal growth
- Self acceptance

Positive Psychology views happiness from both the hedonistic and eudaimonic view in which they define happiness in terms of the pleasant life, the good life and the meaningful life (Norrish & Vella-Brodrick, 2008). Peterson et al., identified three pathways to happiness from the positive psychological view:

1. Pleasure is the process of maximising positive emotion and minimising negative emotion and is referred to as the pleasant life which involves enjoyable and positive experiences.

2. Engagement is the process of being immersed and absorbed in the task at hand and is referred to as the good life which involves being actively involved in life and all that it requires and demands. Thus the good life is considered to result from the individual cultivating and investing their signature strengths and virtues into their relationships, work and leisure (Seligman, 2002), thus applying the best of self during challenging activities that results in growth and a feeling of competence and satisfaction that brings about happiness.

3. Meaning is the process of having a higher purpose in life than ourselves and is referred to as the meaningful life which involves using our strengths and personal qualities to serve this higher purpose. The meaningful life, like the good life, involves the individual applying their signature strengths in activities, but the difference is that these activities are perceived to contribute to the greater good in the meaningful life.

Ultimately, it is a combination of each of these three elements described above that positive psychology suggests would constitute authentic and stable happiness (Vella-Brodrick, Park & Peterson, 2009; Carruthers & Hood, 2004).

Flow and happiness

Another key contribution positive psychology has made to our understanding of the qualities and attributes of well-being is in the concept of flow. Flow is defined as an optimal state of engagement, happiness and peak experience that occurs when an individual is absorbed in an intrinsically motivating challenge (Norrish & Vella-Brodrick, 2008). Flow is typically characterised by being immersed in a specific activity that incorporates the following elements:

1. Concentration toward the task at hand that appears effortless and is not associated with mental strain or aggressive efforts to repress or control thinking (Vella-Brodrick, Park & Peterson, 2009),

2. Involvement in the task to the point where there is no need to think about what needs to be done before it is done (Vella-Brodrick, Park & Peterson, 2009), and

3. Enjoyment through being involved in and doing the specific activity (Vella-Brodrick, Park & Peterson, 2009).

The state of flow has been implicated in the pathways to happiness and thus expands further the concept of happiness beyond the pleasure state. To conclude on the influence of flow Csikszentmihalyi (1990) suggests that happiness is brought on by the experience of flow that allows people to enjoy life and function better in a number of different contexts (click here to watch Csikszentmihalyi’s TED Talk on Flow).

Personality Traits and Happiness

Personality studies indicate that happy and unhappy people have distinctive personality profiles. For example, happy people tend to be more extraverted, optimistic and usually have high self esteem. Happiness is also considered to be an emotion produced by positive and negative events and experiences (Selim, 2008). Interestingly, a number of reports have shown that extraverted individuals are happier than introverted individuals in the context of a broad range of life experiences (Carr, 2004; Tkach & Lyubomirsky, 2006; Furnham & Christoforou, 2007).

This has been attributed to the idea that extraverts react more strongly to positive stimuli designed to induce positive emotions when compared to introverts. Extraverts are also reported to have a better fit with their social environment that may trigger positive emotions of happiness. As such, extraverts are more likely to experience happiness than introverts who may not thrive in similar social settings (Furnham & Christoforou, 2007; Carr, 2004).

Happiness has also shown to be associated with easy sociability that involves natural, pleasant interaction with other people, another attribute typical of the extravert. Happiness of extraverts can be partially explained by their choice of enjoyable situations while those that are socially unskilled (e.g. introverts) may avoid such situations.

In contrast, unhappy people tend to have high levels of neuroticism. Neuroticism is the tendency to be vulnerable to feelings of anxiety and depression when faced with potentially stressful situations. Thus unhappy people are believed to be more reactive to unpleasant emotional stimuli compared to happier counterparts under the same conditions (Diener, Oishi & Lucas, 2003). Hofer, Busch and Kiessling (2008) support this point of view in stating that neuroticism is negatively associated with subjective well being (happiness) while openness to experience, agreeableness, extraversion and conscientiousness are positively related to subjective well being (happiness).

Biology of Happiness

This view purports that Individuals are born with the genetic makeup to be either "very” happy, reasonably content, or chronically dissatisfied. Positive emotions have been shown to coincide with higher levels of activity on the left side of the brain's prefrontal lobes. A key player seems to be the neurotransmitter dopamine, which carries “feel good” messages between brain cells. High levels of dopamine have been implicated in feelings of happiness while low levels may result in feelings of depression.

Lykken and Tellegen (1996) concluded from their study of twins that most people have an average level of happiness or a “set point” that is innate in them and therefore independent of environmental factors. They suggest that after we adjust to the effects of temporary highs and lows in emotionality (for example, happiness and sadness) we return to our biological “set point”. While it is understood that very intense feelings of joy or sadness may keep people off their “set point” for somewhat longer periods, it is believed that eventually every one returns to their baseline level of well being that is believed to be set by genetics (Compton, 2005).

From the biological perspective, depending on an individual’s genes, some people may have a natural enthusiasm for life, deriving pleasure from ordinary activities, or may require unusual adventures. But regardless of what makes us happy, a quiet walk or a jungle safari, after the initial high, we return to our happiness set-point regulated by our level of dopamine. For some people it is suggested that their set point may lean towards positive emotionality (high level of dopamine) whereby they will tend to be cheerful most of the time. Those with a set point directed more towards negative emotionality (low dopamine) will tend to gravitate toward varying degrees of pessimism and anxiety. It is also proposed that the biologically-programmed set-point isn't really a point, it's a range.

In this context we can influence this rage thus being able to alter our “set point” by creating an environment that is more conducive to feelings of happiness. That is why factors such as family environment, education level, and cultural factors all have an impact on an individual’s sense of happiness and wellbeing (Compton, 2005). Thus, rather than being a carte blanche on the individual’s state of happiness, the biological view still considers environmental factors to be an influence on the more enduring trait of happiness but only within the confines of a set-point range.

Happiness and Culture

When it comes to happiness, culture is considered to play a significant role. Researchers have concluded that most people across the globe do desire some form and degree of happiness. But that pursuit of happiness varies greatly depending on one's culture and circumstances (Carr, 2004). For example, very poor nations and those in dramatic political change invariably report the lowest levels of subjective well-being. Conversely, many of the wealthy and democratic Scandinavian countries consistently report the highest levels of happiness.

But a culture can also be poor in resources and rich in happiness as well. Latin American nations, for example, appear to have a more positive orientation and value happiness more than other countries (Maddux, 2004). At the other end of the scale, East Asian and African nations often place other values ahead of happiness, such as mastery and pleasing one's family or group (Carr, 2004).

Thus, how we individually define and experience happiness has as much to do with our cultural influences as it does with our personality, biological dispositions, personal goals and other individual factors. What this means is that while most people in practically every society will likely desire some form of well-being (both psychologically and physically), what they value will greatly determine what shape that pursuit of happiness is and what it will look like once acquired.

Because of such cultural variance in what factors contribute to high levels of happiness and well-being, it must be concluded that there are more determinants to happiness beyond the scope of what positive psychology currently understands. What is perhaps important to understand is that each culture finds its own sources of well-being and maximises these by building from their own cultural resources to pursue their own individual happiness.

Authentic Happiness

Positive psychology uses the term authentic happiness to describe the combination of behaviours that constitutes happiness and a good life. Authenticity in this context refers to both the ability to recognise and take responsibility for one’s own psychological experiences and the ability to act in ways that are consistent with those experiences. Authentic happiness is thought to derive from the identification and cultivation of signature strengths and virtues (Robbins, 2009).

Thus, authentic happiness suggests that we all have signature strengths that we use in challenging times to bring about change. The idea is that individuals should focus on their strengths and not their weaknesses in order to attain authentic happiness. The focus is on drawing on those strengths and using them as tools to maximise meaningful life. Greater authenticity was also linked to less depression and less perceived stress and fewer complaints of physical problems, creating a conducive climate for happiness (Compton, 2005).

Seligman (2002) differentiates between strengths and talents as they are often confused in the identification of individual signature strengths. It is suggested that strengths are moral traits while talents are innate. Talents are said to be relatively automatic whereas strengths are more voluntary. Although talent does not involve a choice about possessing it, there is a choice of whether to burnish it and where to deploy it. Strength on the other hand involves choices about when to use it and whether to keep building it (Seligman, 2002).

It is argued that signature strengths are built from the discovery and ownership of the strengths that an individual already possess. Seligman and his colleagues have identified 24 signature strengths and 6 virtues that are believed to be necessary for one to attain the authentic happiness.

Source: www.mentalhealthacademy.com.au

Psychometric Testing

Measuring attributes like height, weight, and strength is reasonably simple. These are all physical and observable traits that you can assess objectively. But what about factors that aren't so easy to measure?

Traits such as personality, intelligence, attitude, and beliefs are important characteristics to measure and assess. Whether you're hiring people, helping team members understand themselves and their relationships with others, or trying to figure out what you want to do with your life, it's useful to assess these types of "hidden" attributes.

Psychometric testing can assess "hidden" traits objectively.
One way to gather this information is through psychometric testing. This article from Mindtools (www.mindtools.com) looks at what psychometric tests are, what they measure, and how they can help you in both recruiting staff and developing your own career.

What Are Psychometric Tests?
Psychometric tests include personality profiles, reasoning tests, motivation questionnaires, and ability assessments. These tests try to provide objective data for otherwise subjective measurements.
For example, if you want to determine someone's attitude, you can ask the person directly, observe the person in action, or even gather observations about the person from other people. However, all of these methods take time, and can be affected by personal bias and perspective. By using a psychometric test, you make best use of interviewers' time, as well as making a more objective and impartial judgment.
Since objectivity is key to using these assessments, a good psychometric test provides fair and accurate results each time it's given. To ensure this, the test must meet these three key criteria:

Standardisation – The test must be based on results from a sample population that's truly representative of the people who'll be taking the test. You can't realistically test every working person in a country. But you can test a representative sample of that group, and then apply the results to the specific people whom you test.

Also, a standardized test is administered the same way every time to help reduce any test bias. By using a standardized test, you can compare the results with anyone whose characteristics are similar to those of the sample group.

Reliability – The test must produce consistent results, and not be significantly influenced by outside factors. For instance, if you're feeling stressed when you take the test, the test results shouldn't be overly different from times when you were excited or relaxed.

Validity – This is perhaps the most important quality of a test. A valid test has to measure what it's intended to measure. If a test is supposed to measure a person's interests, then it must clearly demonstrate that it does actually measure interests, and not something else that's just related to interests.

Note:
Psychometrics is the study of educational and psychological measurements. The adjective "psychometric" is used to describe psychological tests (typically those used in educational and occupational settings) that are standardized as well as proven to be reliable and valid measures of areas such as personality, ability, aptitude, and interest.

Beyond these criteria, effective psychometric tests must be relevant to the modern workplace. Before using one of these tests, make sure the test has been validated and updated recently.

What Do Psychometric Tests Measure?
Psychometric tests can measure interests, personality, and aptitude.
Interest tests measure how people differ in their motivation, values, and opinions in relation to their interests.


Personality tests measure how people differ in their style or manner of doing things, and in the way they interact with their environment and other people.
Aptitude tests measure how people differ in their ability to perform or carry out different tasks.

Advantages of Psychometric Tests
Psychometric tests can help to make personnel and career-related assessments more objective.
These tests also save a great deal of time. They're typically very easy to administer, and they can be given to a group of people easily. (Some other types of assessments must be given individually.) Psychometric tests are also easily scored, so results come back quickly and reliably.
Many of these tests are completed using software programs, and some can even be completed online. This, again, provides a time advantage, and it can reduce costs significantly compared to other methods. People can take the tests from anywhere, and the results are accurately scored each time.

Using Psychometric Tests
Psychometric tests can be used for a variety of purposes. Some of the most common uses are as follows:
Selection of personnel - Here, tests can help recruiters and hiring managers determine candidates who best fit a position. Personality, aptitude, and knowledge tests are all very common in this type of testing situation. For a detailed discussion of these types of tests and how to use them for hiring, see our article on Using Recruitment Tests.

Individual development and training - Psychometric tests can help you determine how best to improve current skills and performance. For example, if your department is going to introduce a new type of technology, it might be helpful to assess people on their interests and motivations related to new technology. The Business Attitude Inventory and the California Measure of Mental Motivation are psychometric tests available for training and development purposes. You could also use aptitude and skills tests to determine a person's ability to perform certain tasks.
Team building and development - This area can provide many uses for psychometric tests. The better people understand themselves and others, the better they can build and maintain positive workplace relationships. Tests like FIRO-B, DiSC, and the Hogan Development Survey are designed specifically to uncover potential sources of relationship tension. General personality assessments, including the Myers-Briggs Typology Indicator (MBTI) and the California Personality Inventory (CPI), are also very helpful for team building and strengthening . The Values in Action test can help you gain insights into group behaviours and dynamics that relate to people's values.


Career development and progression - Psychometric tests can help you uncover values and interests that are fundamental to overall career satisfaction. For those starting out in their careers and those who are looking for the right career path, interest surveys like the Holland Code Assessment and Schein's Career Anchors Questionnaire are also useful psychometric tests to consider.

Note:
There are costs involved in purchasing tests as well as in hiring or training someone to administer and evaluate them. It's important to consider these costs against the advantages that the tests may bring.

Key Points

Assessing and appraising people is a highly complex and subjective process, and psychometric tests are a good way of objectively assessing people's "hidden" traits.

From recruitment to long-term career development, these tests provide a great deal of reliable information to make important personnel decisions. If you use the tests, ensure that they are appropriate for you needs, and that they've been rigorously evaluated.

Overcoming Obstacles

This article from Jack Canfield (2010) asks . . .What stands between you and what you most desire?





Your answers might relate to a lack of money, time, support from family, or all of these. Obstacles can seem so numerous, so obvious, and so tough to change.
You can relate to obstacles in many ways. Typical responses are to explain them or resist them.
Both responses take a lot of time and energy. And both anchor you firmly in the past, keeping your focus on areas of your life that are not working.

To immediately generate alternatives, remember a simple analogy...
Imagine that you’re driving down a scenic highway. Suddenly you come to a huge rock in the middle of the road.
At this moment you have several options. You could try to explain how the rock ended up there. You could also go into resistance mode, complaining about the carelessness of highway construction or the lack of state funding for rock removal.
Or, you could bypass all this negativity and remove the obstacle from your life at once. Instead of explaining the rock or resisting it, just drive around it.

When faced with obstacles, people often respond with questions based on explanation and resistance, such as:
- Why am I so alone?
- Why does this always happen to me?
- Why am I such a failure?

However, you always have another option. You can ask questions that help you drive around any obstacle in your life.
Questions have uncanny power. Questions direct your attention— and along with it, how you think and how you feel. If you want to create different thoughts, feelings, and results into your life, then ask different questions.

Start now by skipping the why questions and begin asking what questions, such as:
1) What’s the lesson here?
There’s an old saying about learning from experience: Beware the person with twenty years of experience. This may consist of one year of learning and nineteen years of repetition.
The point is that experiences do not come prepackaged with empowering lessons. Everything hinges on how you interpret experiences, and your interpretations can change over the years. A single event can take you a step closer to emotional contraction or expansion. It all depends on how you interpret that event.
Psychologist Martin Seligman has made a career by studying how human beings interpret their experience. He notes that each of us has an explanatory style. People who chronically feel helpless tend to explain events in ways that are:
Permanent: “I always get confused when trying to learn something new.”
Personal: “I’m just no good at meeting people.”
Pervasive: “I’m just the kind of person who fails to follow through, no matter what kind of goals I set.”
Optimistic people use a different style. They explain events in ways that are:
Temporary: “When I feel confused, I ask questions that lead me to understanding.”
External: “I find it hard to talk to people in bars, so I invite them to quiet restaurants instead.”
Specific: “I find it challenging to meet long-term goals, so for now I will focus on achieving short-term objectives.”
You should interpret these obstacles as yield signs rather than stop signs.
These are signals that the world is expanding to accommodate your growth. Instead of resisting a challenge, just lean into it. Ask yourself: How can I interpret this event in a more powerful way? What’s a positive lesson that’s waiting here to be learned?

2) What’s great about having this problem?
There’s an easy answer to this question: “Nothing!” However, looking beyond that knee-jerk response can quickly open up your perspective.
Tony Robbins offers an example in his book Awakening the Giant Within. He recalls a time when he’d been on the road for nearly 100 days out of 120. Returning to his office, he found a stack of urgent memos and a list of 100 phone calls that he needed to personally return. Before making these discoveries, he was tired. Now he felt exhausted.
Tony managed to shift his internal state simply by asking: What’s great about having this problem? He then realized that just a few years ago he would have been grateful to get calls from twenty people—let alone one hundred people with national reputations.
This insight was enough to break his pattern of frustration. He found himself feeling grateful that so many people he loved and respected were willing to connect with him.

3) What’s my next action?
This question shines a spotlight on solutions. No matter what happens, you can choose what to say and do in response. Rather than manifesting resistance or explanation, you can choose your next action.
Successful people hold a bias for action. Add inspiration and intention to the mix, and you gain an unstoppable momentum.

Change begins with Choice

The following is an excerpt of a statement by Jim Rhone, which may have some resonance for you . . . .

"Any day we wish; we can discipline ourselves to change it all. Any day we wish; we can open the book that will open our mind to new knowledge. Any day we wish; we can start a new activity. Any day we wish; we can start the process of life change. We can do it immediately, or next week, or next month, or next year. We can also do nothing. We can pretend rather than perform. And if the idea of having to change ourselves makes us uncomfortable, we can remain as we are.

We can choose rest over labour, entertainment over education, delusion over truth, and doubt over confidence. The choices are ours to make. But while we curse the effect, we continue to nourish the cause. As Shakespeare uniquely observed, "The fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves." We created our circumstances by our past choices. We have both the ability and the responsibility to make better choices beginning today.

Those who are in search of the good life do not need more answers or more time to think things over to reach better conclusions. They need the truth. They need the whole truth. And they need nothing but the truth.

We cannot allow our errors in judgment, repeated every day, to lead us down the wrong path. We must keep coming back to those basics that make the biggest difference in how our life works out. And then we must make the very choices that will bring life, happiness and joy into our daily lives.

And if I may be so bold to offer my last piece of advice for someone seeking and needing to make changes in their life - If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree. You have the ability to totally transform every area in your life - and it all begins with your very own power of choice."



Are you ready to make that 'key' choice to change? Why not contact us at info@epmconsulting.eu so we can help you make it happen!

The Philosophy of the Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 hours in a day is not enough;
remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and start to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again
if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand
and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else
He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded
With an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table
and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - Family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions
Things that if everything else was lost
and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --
The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are
important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time
to clean the house and fix the dripping tap.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand
and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.

'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Lets Get . . . . . . Motivated

By Jenetta Haim, courtesy of www.thinkbigmagazine.com. For more information check out her website at www.stressfreemanagement.com.au


Do you have control of your thinking or does your thinking have control of you? Often it is the latter. How many times have you had good intentions, decided to go for that interview, apply for that promotion, start that business and then deflated like a rubber doll back into your shell?

Do you have control of your thinking or does your thinking have control of you? Often it is the latter. How many times have you had good intentions, decided to go for that interview, apply for that promotion, start that business and then deflated like a rubber doll back into your shell?

It happens to the best of us and it's important to keep our thinking positive if we want to remain motivated. Positive thinking encourages healthy behavior such as eating properly, exercising and generally being happier with life in the office, socially and on a personal level. It all comes down to what you believe. If you believe in yourself and envision what you can do then you have the capability to make it happen. It's called manifesting.

Unfortunately the reverse is also true. If you believe you will fail, can't afford it, will lose that job then you most likely will. It's called the law of attraction. What you think attracts the same. When you get onto a negative thought trend you usually find a number of things to be negative about and start the roller coaster. It is that kind of negative self talk that can sabotage even the best of our intentions.

The confidence you have in performing a certain behavior is called self-efficacy and it is this that can be used to change your behaviour. Many successful people reach their goals due to coaching in positive thinking. If this has helped them then it can do the same for you. It all starts with believing in yourself that you CAN do it! If you can't do this for yourself then maybe a coach for a while will help. They can teach you how you can choose to think positive instead of negative and this will help you to feel better about yourself. They can also teach you skills in how to relax and de-stress, manage your time better, get in touch with your goals and use these to build on your career and personal life.

It is important to build small goals which are achievable and reward yourself when you do achieve them. Remember that sometimes it's ok to step backwards before you move forward. Look at the behaviours that sabotage you. Do you use the excuse of traveling for business to slacken off in your nutrition and exercise or do you have one too many cigarettes using the excuse of being tired and too many meetings? All this will affect you in a negative way and impact on your personal and business life.

Whichever it is, be honest with yourself and look at how you behave. Take a minute to consider how you might have handled things differently if things didn't go well at that last meeting. It's important not to beat yourself up about it. What is in the past can't be changed but you can learn from it and manifest a more promising future. Maybe you could have shared a business dinner at a restaurant instead of eaten at that greasy take-away? Make a mental note of what needs to change.

It is important to admit when you feel frustrated or depressed and not to ignore it. It is also important not to go into overwhelm. This makes you less productive. Understand your negative thoughts and feelings and replace them with more positive ones. So what does it take to keep you positive?

Is there someone out there that is doing what you want to be doing? Look at them as a mentor. It might entail watching how they communicate so you can communicate better or simply bringing changes to your personal lifestyle. Look at what they do, ask them how they do it and you start to do it.

Use positive head talk and avoid negative talk. Take a minute to look at all the things you do RIGHT. Tell yourself you can do it and when you get negative tell yourself you are not that person anymore and you don't have to choose to even go there. You are not the same person who lost the client last week. That was that particular client. Now is a new week. A new client and you have had millions of thoughts and feelings and inputs since then. You will never be that person again and you don't have to go back there. Move on. Have the confidence that you can make positive changes and believe that you deserve to be happy.

Get support from colleagues, friends and family. Stay around people who will back you up instead of those that silently think 'there he goes again'.Reward yourself with that briefcase you wanted, the new mobile phone, or the bubble bath, massage, CD you have wanted to buy.

Make positive plans and schedule them in your diary. Plans to eat right, exercise, meet more friends for dinner, join a club, and take that difficult client to lunch to build rapport; whatever it takes. Write down those goals and it can become an action plan to keep you on track.

Most importantly remember that the things you feel you may have done wrong is what you 'know' you did wrong. If it was a presentation then your client does not even know what you were going to say so if you missed something it's not the end of the world. Build on your confidence and motivation each day and after a few months you will find that your goals have manifested themselves…funny how that happened!

The Language of the Heart

Do you feel stressed and harassed during the day, like you're always doing things to please others rather than yourself?
• Do you have problems making decisions about insignificant matters?
• Are you unsure about what it is you really want?
• Do you find yourself doing things you really don’t want to do and continually acting out of obligation?

Part of being an adult is learning to put the needs of others, such as our children or employer, ahead of ourselves. But we can become so used to doing what we feel we should do, or living by the expectations of others that we lose touch with ourselves.
If we stop listening to our hearts voice, eventually we won't recognize it. Then we wonder why our life is so dry and un-spontaneous.

We need to re-open the conversation with our heart - to remember how to listen to our heart and not just our head.

How to recognise your hearts voice: when you're feeling stressed or that you feel you have lost your centre, ask yourself two questions,
1. “What am I feeling now?”
2. “I would like … ?”

Try to listen to the first thought – which will be from your heart –– not your head which comes in with chatter and rationalizing afterwards.
If the message from your heart is possible and practical – then do it, eg. take a break, call a friend, pop out for a coffee, jump up from your desk and shout “Yes!”.
If it is not realistic just note your hearts message until its convenient to follow through, but be careful – this habit is life changing!
Why not try following your heart and doing one spontaneous thing every day?

Handbook for 2010

Thanks to Cynthia for forwarding this to me. Read on . . .you might just like it!

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please share this with everyone you care about . . . . I just did!

New Years Resolutions

The New Year stretches before us like 365 blank pages of a personal diary. What will be written on those pages by this time next year? Will it be a tale of health, wealth, romance and wondrous prosperity? Or will those pages tell a story of misery, sorrow and sadness?


There's only one thing for sure... whatever is written on those pages will be authored by you and me! Isn't that neat? Just think... each of us is writing our own personal action adventure... and... . . . . We Can Make It Come Out Anyway We Want!

The above words were written by Neil Asher on his blog, and don't they just ring true? As we approach the start of a New Year, we all have the opportunity to start afresh, to turn over a new leaf, to be everything we wanted to be. The possibilities are endless, limited only by our own imagination, and self-imposed obstacles.

What is stopping you moving ahead, moving forward, being what you want to be?

What boundaries are you placing in your own way? What patterns of thinking or behaviour are inhibiting you from being your best?

Its a New Year again, when many of us contemplate making changes in our life. For some, these will be minor alterations, whilst others may be considering more major changes. Commonly these changes involve shifts in behaviour (such as deciding to lose weight, to stop smoking, to take more exercise or to change direction in our careers or relationships). Often these changes have been germinating in our conscious or unconscious mind for some time, and a New Year offers us the opportunity psychologically to make a new start.

Research suggests there are three groups which people belong to when considering changing their behaviour, which broadly speaking can be categorised as:


non-contemplators: this group are generally happy with their lot, and see no need to change. This may be due to lack of insight, lack of motivation or being genuinely satisfied with their life and lifestyle at this time

pre-contemplators: this group have occasional (and perhaps increasing) pangs of guilt or dissatisfaction with their current situation, and would like certain things to be different. However, these insights are fleeting and have not yet become sufficiently irritating or disturbing to convert into the action required to change

contemplators: This group have reached the point where they are ready to take positive action to change. They are sufficiently dissatisfied with their current situation to make positive behavioural changes. This group are the prime focus of campaigns aimed at Smoking cessation etc at this time of year.

If you have reached the point where you are motivated to change, how might you improve your chances of success? The pointers outlined below may be useful to you at this time.

Plan: Think through the change you wish to make in a rational way. Consider the implications of what you need to do in practical terms. What impact will this change have on your 'significant others'? What action will you take to replace the existing behaviour with a more positive alternative?
Be Practical: In most cases, the behaviour or habit you are trying to break has taken years to evolve, and become embedded as a significant part of your life over a long period of time. Don't expect that it will be easy to change overnight.
Be Positive: Start out with a positive determination to succeed.
Start Small: Whilst for some, the 'big bang' approach is appropriate, for many others setting small, short term targets that are achievable is more effective. Starting with a number of small successes can be the building blocks necessary to maintain and sustain the change in behaviour you are trying to make. Think Evolution rather than Revolution!!
Reward Yourself: Celebrate success and openly acknowledge the progress you are making. Obviously the rewards should be genuinely earned, and appropriate - opting for a chocolate cake 'reward' in the midst of a weight loss regime might be best avoided!
Lapses: Accept that there will inevitably be setbacks along the way, and plan for these. Don't allow these to be the excuse to fall back into old, established patterns of behaviour. When lapses happen - and they will happen - start again with renewed vigour. View lapses as diversions on your road to success, and don't get derailed from your ultimate goal.
Involving Others: No man is an island. Consider involving family, friends and/or colleagues in your quest for success. Others can provide support and encouragement when your willpower is wavering. Knowing others are aware of your goals may provide you with the extra impetus to succeed, if only to prove to them you can do it!

Finally, be clear that all change is difficult, and requires patience and perserverance (as are all things that are worth having). Remember, the Price of Persistence is always less than the Pain of Regret . Why not make that your motto for the weeks and months ahead?

Make that change, and take that first step by contacting EPM Consulting (www.epmconsulting.eu) for Personal, Executive & Lifestyle Coaching. To assist you (or a friend), and to reduce the financial pain of making this committment, EPM Consulting have a limited offer available to first 10 people to e-mail Patrick at info@epmconsulting.eu

Positive self-esteem

Having a strong sense of self-esteem is a key part of feeling happy within ourselves, and of feeling that we're succeeding in things that matter.

Positive self-esteem helps you be yourself, handle adversity, and believe that you'll win through, despite setbacks. It's an inner force that sustains you, and gives you the courage you need to succeed. How do you "grade" yourself?


Low self-esteem does the opposite. It's connected to self-doubt, and to a general feeling that you're not quite good enough to meet life's challenges. In fact, low self-esteem is used to diagnose many mental disorders, and it can be associated with anxiety, sadness, hostility, loneliness, and a lack of spontaneity.

What Is Self-Esteem?

You're probably familiar with the idea of self-esteem. It's often associated with self-confidence, but self-esteem is more than just confidence - it goes deeper. In fact, some people argue that you can have self-confidence and still have low self-esteem - most notably if you approach life with a "fake it 'til you make it" attitude (in other words, "pretend" until you succeed).

Healthy self-esteem doesn't involve faking anything. And although there's significant debate over the definition of self-esteem, a leading theory is that it's a combination of two factors: competence and worthiness. Nathaniel Branden says the following in his book "The Psychology of Self-Esteem":
"Self-esteem has two interrelated aspects: it entails a sense of personal efficacy and a sense of personal worth. It is the integrated sum of self-confidence and self-respect. It is the conviction that one is competent to live and worthy of living."
To evaluate your own levels of self-esteem, complete the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (SES) http://www.bsos.umd.edu/socy/research/rosenberg.htm. This is a 10-item scale developed by Dr. Morris Rosenberg. Even though it was developed as long ago as 1965, it's still a popular form of measurement used in self-esteem research.

Competence and Worthiness

The competence element of self-esteem deals with how far you believe that you have the skills and abilities you need to succeed in areas that matter to you.

This isn't generalized success. It's specific to areas of your life that are particularly important to you. For example, if you can sing and dance and entertain a crowd like no one else, that won't contribute to positive self-esteem if what you really value is academic success. Likewise, if you rise to the top of your profession, but you're not proud of that profession, it's unlikely that you'll feel a strong sense of self-esteem as a result.

It's this idea of "value" that brings us to the other element of self-esteem: worthiness. This is where you express your overall evaluation of yourself. It's based on your values, and on whether you behave in a way that is consistent with these values. Together, these factors influence whether you believe you're "good enough", and whether you like and respect the person you are.

By combining competence and worthiness, and by looking at how they relate to each other, we get a full and dynamic definition of self-esteem. Just feeling good about yourself isn't self-esteem. There has to be a competence element, so that your behaviors result in positive actions, not destructive ones. Too great a sense of worthiness can lead to conceit, and even narcissism. Healthy self-esteem keeps those things in balance.

Note:
Looking at self-esteem this way allows us to see the difference between healthy self-esteem and too much self-esteem, which can lead to aggressive and destructive behavior. Thinking that you're better than others can lead you to become arrogant and worse. And if your level of self-esteem is too far in advance of your abilities, you’re setting yourself up for failure, humiliation, frustration and anger. (In fact, some researchers link this with domestic violence.)

Improving Self-Esteem

Now that you know what self-esteem is, you're in a better position to improve yours in a robust and balanced way.

Here are some tips for improving your self-esteem:

Think about yourself positively: You are the only person who can change your view of yourself. No one else can give you self-esteem - you have to build it by thinking about all of the positive things in your life. Make sure that you get into the habit of positive thinking, and learn how to detect and defeat patterns of self-sabotage. Be your own best cheerleader and supporter!


Take pride in your accomplishments: When you do something well, celebrate it. Don't wait for someone else to tell you how wonderful you are: tell yourself!


Set goals: The more you achieve, the better you'll feel about yourself. Goal setting is a great technique for targeting, tracking and recognizing success. It helps you to build competence and, from this, build a sense of pride and a feeling of worthiness. Make sure that you embrace goal setting!


Be consistent: You improve self-esteem when you act in ways that are consistent with your values. If you find yourself in a compromising or difficult situation, do all that you can to make a decision that is consistent with these values. Achieve your goals with integrity, and don't undermine your self-esteem by cheating, or acting in a dishonest way.


Remember that you aren't perfect: Don't be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, and that's often OK, just as long as we learn from them. The standards you have to meet are your own: stop worrying about what others think, and focus on the great things about yourself. If you do, your inner confidence will shine through, and more than compensate for any shortcomings you might have.


Look after yourself physically: Being active can improve self-esteem. Activities that improve your health help you feel more in control, and give you a sense of satisfaction that carries though to other areas of your life.
Key Points

The way you think is key to your sense of self-esteem. You're the one in control, and you can make a difference. If you like yourself, and believe that you deserve good things in life, you'll have high self-esteem. If you dislike yourself or criticize yourself excessively, you won't.

Having healthy self-esteem is important, because it helps you deal with life's challenges and achieve the things that matter most to you. As such, make a commitment to yourself to value what you do and who you are!

Article reproduced from Mindtools newsletter 142

Personality Type & Career Choice

A thorough understanding of your personality type can be a tremendous guide that can help you to:

Choose a new job or career
Change your job or career
Increase your satisfaction with your present career

Your personality type can assist you in developing your career goals and establishing a process to reach those goals. When - using the People Process MBTI scoring matrix - you have identified your four-letter type, you can gain a thorough understanding of your strengths – your unique gifts.

The more you understand about yourself, the better your decisions will be and the more effectively you will be able to implement those decisions. Your personality preferences can help you decide what you want to do, how to approach that field and get what you want.

To briefly review, personality type theory was developed by Dr. Carl Jung in the early 1900s. Dr. Jung sought to explain the normal differences between healthy people. Jung espoused that the differences in people’s behavior was a result from people’s inborn tendencies to use their minds in different ways. As people act on these tendencies, they develop patterns of behavior.

We have different energy levels, notice different aspects of the world around us, make decisions based on different criteria and structure our lives in different ways depending on what makes us most comfortable. These characteristics combine to create the whole personality. Dr. Jung identified four dimensions that make up our personality type – and these are part of our DNA – they are inborn traits.

The four dimensions are: Energy, Information, Decision, Action, and are used by us hundreds of times a day. Each dimension consists of two opposite poles. Picture each dimension as a continuum with a mid-point in the center. Each of us has a natural inborn preference (strength) for one side of the continuum or the other in each of the four dimensions.

The People Process approach can also assist with understanding how other people should treat you.. This will give you insight into the types of work and surroundings that will be most fulfilling for you. For instance, if in the Energy behavior dimension you chose Introvert you will see that the way you prefer to be treated is:

Related to one-on-one
Have others Value your need for privacy
Be allowed time to change focus
Ask questions to draw them out
Do not be pressured for an instant response


This tells you that you like to work alone and don’t need a lot of supervision. You’re great at putting things together behind the scenes.

However, if you chose Extravert in the Energy behavior dimension, you’ll find that you like to have a lot of interaction with others and you want them to:

Listen attentively
Be actively responsive
Be energetic & enthusiastic
Support their need to communicate
Recognize their need for social interaction

Extraverts like to be able to bounce ideas off of others and get immediate feedback. They would be very frustrated working all alone in a cubicle on a project by themselves.

In the Information behavior dimension, if you chose Sensing as your preference, you’ll find that you have skills in dealing with facts and details and when receiving information from someone you prefer that they:

Be orderly and organized
Show facts with evidence
Be direct and to the point
Draw on your experience
Be practical because you are

If you chose Intuition in the Information behavior dimension, you are terrific at coming up with creative solutions, marketing direction and “out of the box” ideas and when receiving information you prefer they:

Give you an overview
Have a vision of the future
Appeal to your imagination
Encourage your need to explore
Allow for the expansion of ideas

When it comes to making a Decision, a Thinking person is logical, steps back and objectifies the decision, preferring to be treated this way:

Expect questions
Use logic
Be calm and reasonable
Be brief, concise, yet thorough
Present information for their analysis

A Feeling person personalizes decisions asking, “How does this affect me and the people involved?” This person likes you to remember to:

Be honest and sincere
Be personal and friendly
Share with them your feelings
Encourage them to share their feelings
Allow them time to know and trust you

In the Action behavior dimension, the Judging person likes to control their environment and prefers that you:

Don’t disturb their order
Be prepared and deliberate
Value their time because they do
Finalize whenever & wherever possible
Take their deadlines seriously

And, the Perceiving person values spontaneity above all and prefers that you:

Be open to options & changes
Use variety in your approach
Let them set their own deadlines
Make use of their resourcefulness
Encourage possibility-thinking

Does this give you an idea of how to approach finding out your strengths and preferred way of being treated so that you can decide on the career that best suits you? Continue analysing your strengths and preferred way of being treated by others. Once you have analyzed this information, identify the types of careers that include your preferences and strengths – the way you like to be treated and are most comfortable.


This article was adapted from an original article by the founder of the People Process, Pamela Hollister and has been reproduced with her personal permission. If you have any comments or feedback on this posting, please send these to me via the Comments tab below, as I have promised to share all feedback with Pam.

You will find additional information on personality profiling and related information on the following websites

www.personalitypathways.com
www.thepeopleprocess.com/articles.php
www.eiconsortium.org
www.eq.org
www.nlpinfo.com
www.neurolinguisticprogramming.com
www.enneagraminstitute.com
www.9types.com